Domestic Violence Awareness Month: So Many Reasons
As I've spoken with and interviewed victim survivors through the years, the question that is asked by so many of their friends and loved ones has been:
"Why did you stay? Why didn't you say something??"
I remember my own family saying that if they "had only known", they could have helped me. But there are many reasons why victims are silent:
- They're living under threat or ultimatums from their abuser. "If you tell anyone, I'll kill you..." or "If you tell anyone, I'll make your life and theirs a living hell."
- They have been isolated and might not know anyone in their neighborhood or town, or know if they could trust anyone who could listen to or help them. Plus, abusers often control who their victims can and cannot see or be friends with.
- They're afraid that no one will believe them, because their abuser wears a different mask in public settings, or may be a respected person or public figure.
- They've been gaslighted so many times, they begin to think that they're the crazy ones.
- They're financially dependent on their abuser. They also may live in a "Stockholm-Syndrome" type of environment, where they've learned to accept the assault and abuse as normal, even to the point of defending their abuser (such as in the case of sex or human trafficking).
- They're ashamed and afraid. They may have been repeatedly humiliated, embarrassed, and broken...a lost sense of 'pride'.
There can be so many reasons why victims don't speak up, each unique to their own situation. Maybe they want to leave, but have no place to go...no safe place to live, no sustainability options. No house or apartment, no food, no job...or maybe they do have a job, but no child care or transportation to get to and from their job.
They fear just even thinking about their options. The feelings of hopelessness can overwhelm them to (on top of the abuse) suffer with depression, constant anxiety, insomnia, PTSD, fatigue, self-infliction...they can also get to the point of suicidal ideation, thinking that death would be better than living with their abuser.
Below I've listed some numbers for victims of domestic violence, but understand that victims might not call any number for as many reasons or all as listed above, or more! Maybe their phone has been taken away from them, or it's being tracked. So "see something, say something" definitely comes into play, but most of all...do something! Not just talking about doing something...actually do something to help. Check up on your neighbors, your friends, your loved ones. Don't be shy; ask the questions. Show that you care and can be trusted. Report if you know, suspect or see an incident in progress. Call 911.
Survivors know. That is why MMIP Wind River has been working with Frontier Ambulance and Tribal Victim Services in creating a private network of support specifically for victims of domestic violence, physical/sexual assault, and abuse. Real support. Local support, by people who will listen, will care, and help get them on the right road towards healing.
Domestic violence, assault, and abuse are at epidemic proportions in our tribes and border towns. Our first responders know this. It's important work that we ALL must do, every single day, when it comes to community safety. To learn more about how you can help and/or be a part of our local network, or if you would like us to give our presentation to your agency, group or organization, please call or text me at 307-855-5190 or email: mmipwindriver@gmail.com.
Don't just survive. Live. Heal. Thrive.
Carol Harpermmipwindriver.org
National Indigenous Domestic Violence Hotline (NIDVH)
1-844-762-8483
1-844-7NATIVE (762-8483)
Domestic Violence Support Line
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Riverton Police Department Anonymous Tip Line
307-857-7755
