From the day we're born, the faces that surround us as we innocently look up from within our blankets and buntings are the faces that we learn to love and trust. As we grow, we learn more as our circles expand to our relatives and playmates. As our circles widen when we attend school and community activities...we learn about our teammates, group/club members, and of course, friendships.
What we learn about people is instilled in us from our youth into adulthood and impacts our future relationships. But our innate innocence and naivete gets lost along the way as we eventually come to realize that there are...well, just not very nice people in the world. We're taught "stranger-danger" or not to take candy (or anything!) from a stranger. But in a world where the lines between who is good or bad are blurred into gray areas, sometimes we have to learn the hard way.
In my last blog, "Another Day", I touched on 'Online Platforms'. Additionally, however...one of my take-aways from the GRIT Conference was about how only 9% of trafficked victims are actually strangers.
Here is that pie chart again:
It doesn't help that both of the terms "good" and "bad" are subjective, and it can be difficult to be objective when it comes to those who wear masks...pretending "nice and friendly" on the outside, but have ulterior motives and hidden agendas. I've run across quite a few imposters in my lifetime, some of who were already major players and had the art down to a tee. Others were more like "stranger changer"...like chameleons, who would subtly change their 'colors' to fit various situations and circumstances. And then there are those who have the patience to play the long game with a friendly approach, having the appearance of goodwill...but all the while waiting for the opportunity to strike at a moment of weakness.
it will always be a snake.
There are those who are nice to you only because they want something from you, and trafficking groomers aren't the only ones who wear these masks. There's a big difference between actually being a genuinely good person versus merely acting like one. So how can we teach our younger generations who they can trust, if their own families and friends can't even be trusted?
I'm asking this question, because quite frankly, I don't have an answer. For me, I've had to learn the hard way, because for a long time I was way too naive and trusting of the wrong people. I've even allowed them to kick me when I was down, laughing at my misfortune. Even when I thought I had learned my lesson, it would happen again. It takes a long time to build trust once it's been compromised. But that's how I eventually learned...after almost 60 years of life, I've gained better discernment and wisdom as to those who wear the masks, and those who are the real deal.
My circles are much tighter now. I maintain boundaries between personal, professional, and spiritual relationships. I've had to sacrifice familial ties and some long-time friendships to maintain those boundaries, but I had to do it in order to take care of myself and be healthy and happy. I'm much more discerning and aware, and try to surround myself with good people who are thoughtful, caring, and good team players. And those good people refer me to more good people, and they refer me to more good people, and so on and so on. And if there are bad apples in the barrel, they will eventually be revealed. The Creator knows the truth.
Right Where We Stand
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players..." It's interesting how applicable a 16th century playwright could be so spot-on about how the world works (almost prophetic, given today's social media). Virtue and vice, moral and immoral, conflict and resolution...though the battle lines between good and evil have been skewed, one truth remains: Everything begins with a choice.
The choice to find the good. The choice to choose the good. The choice to be good. The choice to do good. The choice to defend the good. As infants and children, others make the choices for us. But as adults, the power to be good and do the right things have always been in our own hands.
Here are things you can do to be a good person, right where you stand.
Assess yourself. When you look in the mirror, do you like who you see? I remember times where I was so racked with depression, grief, injustices, and anger at what was done to me, it kept me in a victim mentality that clouded my judgment and I ended up backing my own self against a wall. I felt frozen and helpless. Not being sober didn't help; it only isolated me and kept me in a loop in a dark place. Once I started improving myself and let go of the thoughts and vices (and people!) that weighed me down, I was able to find the value in myself and plant my feet on a good road, a better road...one step at a time.
A note: It's so easy to do the blame game. Blame others, blame our circumstances, blame the powers that be, blame the breaking and broken systems. Blaming entities outside of ourselves keeps us in that prison of the mind: "There's nothing I can do about it." But I also remember those in history who had a lot less and had it a lot worse, but found the strength within their own selves to rise above their circumstances, why can't I?
"Make good choices." We have a paramedic that says that to the crews when they go off-shift, and I like it! It's just a simple reminder, a mantra, to carry with you throughout your day. Sometimes we get through the day down the good road, but sometimes we don't. We all make mistakes, but don't give up! Forgive yourself. Apologize to those you may have wronged, and start anew. Recognizing and admitting our mistakes can set us on the good road again.
Surround yourself with good people who are team players that encourage you, make you a better person, and have the same goals. You'll know them when you meet them. I'm often cordial and friendly to people I don't know, but inside I might be thinking: "There's just something a little off about this person." Listen to your gut. If you can't quite put your finger on it, be aware of that feeling and create your boundaries. But also know that there are good people who might be struggling with bad things in their lives, too. Maybe they don't have the capacity to make good choices. Remember your own lessons and guide them to the resources and people who can help. Heed the wisdom and advice of elders who have experienced the tests of time.
Lastly...once you learn, go and do. Understand that there are people in this world who do want to help and support you in your journey; be respectful to them for helping. In the movie, The Matrix, there is a quote by the character Morpheus: "There is a difference between knowing the path and walking it." Once you know what to do, do it. Sometimes the signs and directions may not be clear, but stay on the good road! Do not deviate, and don't get sucked down the old roads you've already been on. You've already been there; you already know the people there. But you don't have to live there anymore.
There are good folks at White Buffalo Recovery, and I highly recommend attending their Mending Broken Hearts program. Their next session is on June 3-5, and if you can't make it to this session, always check their Facebook page for when the next session scheduled. See the information below.
The Creator knows our hearts and minds, and everything begins with a choice. Look within; you can decide who you are and what kind of person you'll be...right where you stand.
Carol Harper
